FRIEND_REQUEST_IRL

LOG_DATE: [2025-12-28] | CATEGORY: SOCIAL_GLITCH | STATUS: AWKWARD

> INITIATING PROTOCOL: ADULT_FRIENDSHIP
> LOCATION: BOOKSTORE / PARK
> OBJECTIVE: Establish a new connection without an App.
> DIFFICULTY: TEENAGER_LEVEL (Impossible)

// THE PROBLEM

In Kindergarten, you say "I like your truck," and you are friends for life. In Adulthood, if you say "I like your truck" to a stranger, they call the police. Making friends without a context (Work/College) is seen as creepy. We rely on "Matches" and "Mutuals." We have lost the art of the cold approach.

// ATTEMPT 1: THE BOOKSTORE

Awkwardness: 80%

I went to the Sci-Fi section. I saw a guy reading "The Three Body Problem." Perfect target. Shared interest.

Me: "Hey, great book. Have you reached the part with the sophons?"
Him: (Startled, removes one earbud) "Uh, yeah. It's cool."
Me: "I just finished it. The ending is wild."
Him: "Nice." (Immediately puts earbud back in and turns away).

Failure. He was there to consume content, not to bond. I was an ad-break in his peaceful afternoon.

// ATTEMPT 2: THE PARK BENCH

Awkwardness: 40%

I sat on a bench next to another guy just staring at the lake. He wasn't on his phone. This is a rare signal. "Open for input." I tried Radical Honesty.

Me: "Nice evening, huh?"
Him: "Yeah. Finally cooled down."
Me: "Can I be honest? I'm trying this experiment where I try to make friends without the internet. It's going terribly. The guy at the bookstore thinks I'm a stalker."

He laughed. A real laugh. The honesty broke the ice. It acknowledged the weirdness of the situation. "That's bold, man," he said. "People don't talk anymore."

// THE CONVERSATION

We talked for 20 minutes. About the lake. About rent prices. About how hard it is to meet people in this city. It was... normal. It felt like 2005.

// THE CLOSING (THE HARDEST PART)

Talking is easy. Asking for the "Second Date" (Friendship terms) is hard. It feels like hitting on someone.

Me: "Hey, I actually gotta run. But we should grab a coffee sometime. You seem cool."
The Pause: There is a split second where he decides if I am a serial killer.
Him: "Sure, man. Take my number."

// CONCLUSION

I got the number. We haven't texted yet. But the barrier isn't that people are mean. It's that we are Unpracticed. We have forgotten the skill of small talk because we have screens to save us from boredom. It requires vulnerability to say "I am open to connection." But when you find someone else who is also lonely (which is everyone), the glitches align.