// HYPOTHESIS_LOADED

We suffer from "Decision Fatigue." What to eat? What to wear? What to watch?
I make 35,000 decisions a day. I am tired.
The Experiment: For 24 Hours, I outsource my Free Will.
I will post a Poll on Instagram/Twitter for every single decision.
I must do whatever the majority votes. No veto power.

AWAITING_INPUT

> DECISION 1: BREAKFAST (7:00 AM)

Poll: "What is for breakfast?"
A) High-Protein Oatmeal (20%)
B) A Singular Raw Onion (80%)

Winner: RAW ONION
user_293: "Eat it like an apple lol"
crypto_king: "Maximum suffering let's go"
mom_official: "Please don't do this."

The Experience: Have you ever bitten into a raw onion at 7:15 AM? The crunch is loud. The burn is immediate. My eyes watered. My breath became a biological weapon.
I felt betrayed. "Why do they hate me?" I thought. "I provide them content, and they feed me roots."

> DECISION 2: THE COMMUTE (8:30 AM)

Poll: "How do I get to work?"
A) Drive my car (15%)
B) Walk (3 miles) in the Rain (85%)

Winner: WALK IN RAIN

I arrived at the office soaked. I smelled like wet dog and raw onion.
My boss asked, "Is everything okay?"
I said, "The internet chose this."
He suggested I take a mental health day. I told him I had to poll the audience first. (They voted "Stay at Work").

> DECISION 3: SOCIAL RISK (12:00 PM)

Poll: "I am at a coffee shop. What do I say to the barista?"
A) "Thanks, have a nice day." (30%)
B) "The birds work for the bourgeoisie." (70%)

Winner: CONSPIRACY THEORY

I walked up to the counter. I looked her in the eye.
Me: "The birds work for the bourgeoisie."
Barista: "Sir, this is a Starbucks. Do you want the latte or not?"
Me: "I... yes please."
She wrote "Weirdo" on the cup. I deserved it.

> DECISION 4: THE FINANCIAL MISTAKE (6:00 PM)

Poll: "I have $50. What do I buy?"
A) Groceries for the week (5%)
B) 500 Plastic Googly Eyes (95%)

Winner: GOOGLY EYES

I went to a craft store. I bought them.
The audience then voted that I must stick them on everything in my apartment.
My fridge has eyes. My toilet has eyes. My plants have eyes.
I live in a kaleidoscope of judgment.

> THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE MOB

I learned that the Internet Crowd is "Chaotic Evil."
They don't want you to succeed. They don't want you to fail. They want you to do the funniest thing possible.
Your comfort is irrelevant. Your dignity is a currency they spend for amusement.

> FINAL_VERDICT

Free will is a burden, yes. It is exhausting to decide what to eat.
But the alternative is tyranny. The tyranny of the "Lulz."
I took back control at 7:00 AM the next day. I ate a bagel. It was the most delicious bagel of my life because I chose it.

CONCLUSION: Never ask the internet for advice unless you are prepared to eat an onion.