// HYPOTHESIS_LOADED

We have outsourced our navigation to Google Maps. We have outsourced our memory to iCloud. Now, I am outsourcing my survival to the "For You" page.

The Hypothesis: The Food Algorithm is not designed for human health. It is designed for visual retention. It promotes food that looks shocking, sounds crunchy, or oozes excessive amounts of cheese. It is "Performative Nutrition."

The Rules:
1. For 72 Hours (3 Days), I can only eat food that appears on my TikTok or Instagram feed.
2. The first food video I see when I open the app is my meal. No skipping. No rerolling.
3. I must cook it (or buy it) exactly as presented.
4. I must eat the entire serving.

FEED_ME_SEYMOUR

> DAY 1: THE VISUAL FEAST (AND PHYSICAL PAIN)

9:00 AM. I am hungry. I open TikTok.
Please be oatmeal. Please be a smoothie.

VIDEO DETECTED: @CheesyExplosions (2.4M Views)
Title: "The 4-Cheese Jalapeño Bacon Bomb"
Ingredients: Block of Cheddar, Block of Mozzarella, Bacon Weave, Deep Fryer Oil.
Nutritional Value: Death.

I made it. It wasn't cooking; it was welding. The cheese didn't melt; it just sweated grease.
The Taste: Salt. Just pure, crystallized salt and pig fat.
The Aftermath: I felt heavy. Not full, but weighted down. My brain felt foggy immediately.

1:00 PM. Lunch.

VIDEO DETECTED: @HealthyHacks (500k Views)
Title: "Zero Calorie Ice Cubes!"
Content: A woman eating flavored ice.
Result: I ate a bowl of ice with lemon juice. My teeth hurt. I am still starving.

7:00 PM. Dinner. The Algorithm decides to punish me.

VIDEO DETECTED: @EpicMealTimeLegacy (1M Views)
Title: "Pizza on top of a Pizza inside a Taco."
Result: I spent $45 on delivery ingredients. I constructed the abomination.
Physical Status: Heart palpitations. Sweating while sitting still.
4,500
CALORIES CONSUMED
3g
FIBER INTENDED
$85
COST (DAY 1)
120bpm
RESTING HEART RATE

> DAY 2: THE REVOLT

I woke up feeling hungover. I didn't drink alcohol. I drank grease.
My body was screaming for a vegetable. Just a single piece of broccoli.

8:00 AM. Breakfast.
OPEN APP.
Video: "Pancake Cereal." (Tiny pancakes in a bowl with milk and syrup).
This was... acceptable. But the sheer volume of sugar made my hands shake by 9:30 AM.

2:00 PM. Lunch.
OPEN APP.
Video: "Raw Liver Challenge."
SYSTEM ALERT: NO.
The video showed a 'Carnivore King' eating raw organs.
I stared at the screen. I refreshed. "No rerolling."
I went to the butcher. The man looked at me with pity. "Liver? You making pate?"
"No," I whispered. "I'm eating it raw because an app told me to."

I couldn't do it. I seared it. It still tasted like copper and suffering.

> DAY 3: THE ENDGAME

I am lethargic. My skin feels oily. I have no energy to work.
The algorithm doesn't care about nutrition. It cares about Engagement.
Healthy food is boring. A salad doesn't go viral. A burger dipped in liquid gold goes viral.

Final Meal: "The Grimace Shake" (Trend from 2023 that resurfaced).
It was purple. It tasted like cough syrup and vanilla.
I poured it down the sink.

> THE DATA ANALYSIS

I learned that "Food Content" falls into three categories, none of which are good for eating:

1. The Gluttony Bait: Excessive cheese, deep frying, massive portions. Designed to trigger primal hunger cues.
2. The Restriction Bait: "What I eat in a day (1200 calories)." Ice cubes, celery juice, sadness. Designed to trigger insecurity.
3. The Absurdist Bait: Raw liver, eating bugs, mixing Skittles with steak. Designed to trigger shock interactions.

> FINAL_VERDICT

I gained 4 pounds in 3 days. My skin broke out. I spent $200.
The Algorithm is a terrible chef. It cooks for your eyes, not your stomach.

CONCLUSION: If you cook it, you can eat it. If you watch it, leave it on the screen.