// HYPOTHESIS_LOADED
We know AI can write code. We know it can write legal letters. But can it make people laugh? Humor is the ultimate "human" trait—it requires empathy, timing, and an understanding of pain.
So, I booked a slot at a local open-mic night (okay, I actually just forced 10 of my friends to sit in my living room) and performed a 5-minute set written 100% by ChatGPT.
> THE PARAMETERS
- RULE 01: I could not change a single word.
- RULE 02: I had to deliver it with "high energy."
- RULE 03: I had to pause where the AI wrote [PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER].
> INPUT_PROMPT: "Write a 5-minute stand-up comedy routine about modern dating and expensive coffee. Write it in the style of a mix between Kevin Hart and Jerry Seinfeld. Make it edgy."
> JOKE_01: EXECUTION
I walked up to the "stage." I held the microphone. I began.
THE JOKE: "So, what is the deal with baristas? Have you noticed this? You ask for a coffee, and they look at you like you just asked them to solve a calculus equation! [PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER]"
THE REALITY: I paused. Nobody laughed. One friend coughed. It was a joke from 1995.
> JOKE_02: THE REFRIGERATOR ANALOGY
THE JOKE: "And don't get me started on Tinder. Tinder is like a refrigerator. You keep opening it hoping to see something good, but it's just the same old leftovers! am I right?! [PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER]"
THE REALITY: My friend Dave looked at his shoes. This wasn't "edgy." This was a dad joke generated by a calculator.
> THE CLIMAX (THE ERROR)
Then, the AI tried to get "relatable."
THE JOKE: "I went on a date last night. She said she wanted a man who is 'financially stable.' I said, 'Baby, I have a Netflix account AND a Hulu account!' [PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER]"
THE REALITY: Silence. Absolute, crushing silence. It wasn't just unfunny; it was painfully generic.
> THE DATA: MEASURING LAUGHS
I recorded the audio to count the Laughs Per Minute (LPM).
- Average Professional Comedian: 4-6 LPM.
- Me (Human Script): 2-3 LPM (on a good day).
- Me (AI Script): 0.0 LPM.
> FINAL_ANALYSIS: TURING TEST FAILED
AI operates on predictability. It scans the internet for "what is statistically associated with coffee jokes" and gives you the most average answer. But a joke is only funny if it breaks the pattern, not if it follows it.
CONCLUSION: If you want to write a technical manual, use ChatGPT. If you want to write a wedding speech or a comedy set, hire a human.
The robots aren't coming for our comedians yet. They’re too busy writing jokes about airline food.