// HYPOTHESIS_LOADED
I am terrible at planning dates. My idea of romance is "Let's order extra spicy Thai food and watch a documentary about fungus." My partner, however, enjoys things like "ambiance," "planning," and "not getting food poisoning."
So I outsourced it.
The Prompt: "Plan the perfect romantic date night in [City]. Budget: $150. Vibe: Unique, Intimate, Memorable. Create a step-by-step itinerary including transport timings."
> 6:00 PM: THE SENSORY EXPERIENCE
AI Idea: "Visit the 'Blind Cafe' where you eat in total darkness. It heightens intimacy and encourages deep conversation."
The Reality: We arrived. It was pitch black.
Here is a fact about eating in the dark: It is not sexy. It is a logistical nightmare.
I tried to feed my partner a piece of bread. I missed her mouth and poked her in the nostril.
I tried to find my water glass. I knocked it over.
The "deep conversation" mostly consisted of us whispering: "Where is my fork? Is this potato or
chicken? I think I just put my elbow in butter."
Romance Level: 2/10.
Comedy Level: 9/10.
> 8:00 PM: THE STARGAZING WALK
AI Idea: "Walk to [Specific Park] for a panoramic view of the skyline and stars. A perfect spot for a kiss."
The Reality:
1. It was cloudy. No stars.
2. The AI didn't know that [Specific Park] acts as a teenage hangout spot on Friday nights.
We walked up the hill, expecting silence and beauty. Instead, we found 40 teenagers blasting techno music and vaping. The air smelled like watermelon vape juice and hormones.
Also, the park gate was locked. A security guard shone a flashlight in our eyes. "Park's closed, folks. Move along."
Nothing says I Love You like being threatened with a trespassing citation.
> 9:30 PM: THE HIDDEN SPEAKEASY
AI Idea: "End the night at [Bar Name], a hidden gem behind a bookshelf. Order the 'Smoked Old Fashioned'."
The Reality: We took an Uber to the address. We got out.
There was no bar.
There was a Vape Shop called "Cloud City."
I checked Google. The bar had closed permanently 8 months ago. The AI was training on old data. We stood on the sidewalk, dressed in our nice clothes, staring at neon signs advertising "Buy 2 Get 1 Free Kratom."
> THE PARTNER'S REVIEW
We ended up going to a dive bar and eating greasy pizza. I asked my partner to rate the night.
"It wasn't romantic. It was a disaster. But... it was the funniest night we've had in years. The AI failed so hard it accidentally bonded us against a common enemy. The enemy was the algorithm."
> FINAL_VERDICT
AI plans dates like a corporate brochure. It picks the "top rated" spots but ignores the logistics, the context, and the temporal reality (like business closures).
Romance requires reading the room. AI cannot read the room. AI reads a database from 2021.
CONCLUSION: Don't let an algorithm plan your love life. Chaos is fun, but next time, I'm booking the reservation myself. (And checking if the place still exists).